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Dear Joe Bloggs,


(I could not resist that. Look away now if corny jokes bother you :) -- puns are my vitamins -- at least one a day, or as advised by a health professional, for optimum results.) So here is a capsule of my week or so, in random order, of both sent and unsent communications (get it, 'new post'??) all real, alternately to and fro: 


Dear ______


Thank you for the care package. It was not the one with the lost shawl but the one including a dental x-ray taken in 2003. What? yes, there really was :D it had a note and everything! I even opened it in front of everyone dramatically... after announcing it was the missing shawl lol!


Dear _______


Thank you for your recent correspondence regarding Customs charges on your parcel. On re-consideration the goods are regarded as falling within the limited concessions allowed on postal imports and arrangements are being made to forward a repayment to you as requested.


Dear _________


Please stop making delicious chocolate in huge discount packs. I only have so much self-control and generosity.


Dear _________


Please find enclosed your new debit card. Please keep your new debit card in a safe place.


Dear _________


I finally found a Barbie that pretty closely matches the description of her ideal one that I asked her to describe for me to send her from England - blonde hair, bendy arms, trainers, fashion clothes that show a little tummy -- the only difference is the hairstyle but I figure she can fix that. It randomly comes with a doggie that you feed and digests its food pellets right back, before I get it I wanted to make sure that is OK and you think it's suitable for her?


Dear __________


Barbie with a pooping dog sounds like the most awesome gift in the world. 


Dear __________


Thank you for the family photos and Christmas card from 1934. I am doing well, the course is hard work but also fun. It snowed here already, it was beautiful, I went to a park near here with a river and there were still swans swimming in it! Yes, I want to go back to teaching after I graduate.               Wishing you all the peace, happiness and joy of the season.


Dear ___________


As a Bright Top Ups gift, play 'Fairytale of New York' to your callers FREE for 1 month.


Dear _________


Sure, I'll take care of it. (I was actually the one who helped with the rest of the cleaning, while you were asleep, including some that wasn't my mess. But since this deserves a place on my mental list of '10 things too unimportant to bother your roommates with' it goes here instead of the kitchen notepad. Apologies however if you have psychically deduced the existence of my blog, and can herein identify said issue.)


Dear _________


I'm calling from XYZ company. You're in England? We're in America. Oh, this call might be costing us a lot of money then? Oh, costing you? Oh dear. Well, briefly, I just noticed that you ordered business cards from us but your company doesn't have a website. Oh, you're a student? Oh, happy holidays then! Is there anything else we can do for you?


Dear ___________


Thank you both for not failing me last night after 3 straight hours of dancing. I guess it was a good idea that I took my shoes off of you. To be honest, it was not for comfort but because I forgot to bring my party shoes to change into after class. Special mention to the one of you still recovering from an old injury, for not complaining too much when you took a stiletto in the center. PS I do intend to replace the holey slippers. After graduation. PPS Since you took the dancing so well I trust you will be up for standing for a couple of hours at a performance tomorrow night? Standing gallery tickets are still available, in fact it is empty, for a fifth of the price. Thanks again, I owe you.


Dear _________


Please find enclosed your free household ticket for an exhibition viewing.


Dear ___________


I did not request my online banking password reset. I only asked for my account to be unlocked. I also asked IF, in the eventually, in case I forget it, whether the new one password would be posted or emailed to me. Please see my previous emails. As I am overseas and not able to sign for registered post, this may cause some inconvenience.


Dear ____________


Thank you for reading me my new password over the phone.


Dear ____________


Yaight then? Oh fine, but I've lost my mum and been searching for her for the last hour --  I've got her car keys, and she's got my wallet, so neither of us can get anywhere without the other! So yes, better that you ask me for last Friday's money next Friday. Thanks again for organizing the hoody order. What does she look like? Small, very small...thanks anyway! See you next game!


Dear ___________


Thank you for the Secret Santa gift. You can not imagine how awesome it was to wake up in the morning and remember that I had leftover, not only homemade, but actually custommade, non-allergenic, cookies in the fridge.


Dear __________


Thank you for volunteering to be a part of the IT forum. The forum has now been postponed until next term. Please let us know if you are available on xyz date between 10 and 12. 


Dear ____________


Just thought you'd like to know that I got my first essay back today & the grade was distinction level!!!!! I'm so excited!! because I had very low expectations after the 2nd professor told us they don't mark very high (it was marked by the tweedy and abashed professor, and the second marker was the prof w/pink hair. Plus they average marks over 8 essays, so this will really help me in case I eventually bomb :) Thank you for supporting my choice of college, I keep remembering you told me it takes courage to go overseas on your own but it can be done.